I have something to add

Thanks to Justin for his compliments of me...I am pretty sweet. :) Just kidding.

I have something to add to his complaints about school. I'm not finishing my degree, Mom. I want to be mediocre, too. Besides, I don't need a degree to do the things I want to do. Education is great, and I've had a lot of it. Why do I need the title? I can only take the knowledge with me when I die, not a title and a plaque.

Something else, too, for those of you that were very RUDELY demanding I post my screenplay so you can all criticize it and rip it apart, I say nay! I've outlined the reasons below.

1. Justin has informed me it has to be about twice the length it is now for it to ever be long enough to actually be a movie (even when I contended that the fight scenes, though not long on the page, would take up a lot of time on film).

2. Although not long enough, it is very long...about 40 pages long, therefore would never look attractive in a post AND no one would be able to comment on it's brilliance if it was merely on the sidebar.

3. I'm deathly afraid of someone ripping off my ideas...I don't know who's out there, just waiting for me to post my amazing break-through-of-a-screenplay so they can steal it for their own!

There you have it. However, if any of you would like a copy to read when I'm a little further along in the length department, please give me your email addresses and I think I can accommodate.

Jesse

School is not as good as hamburger helper

Yesterday was the last day of the beginning of my life. It officially starts ending today. Here lies Justin Betts, he was murdered by the cost of his textbooks. Our books are going to cost us $1,000 dollars! Really. I have six books for one class! Who the hamburger HELper has six books?! And one of them is Beowulf. Um, no thanks. I already watched the movie, and that was enough for me. The best part was when the monster guy ripped the one dude in half and then drank his blood from his body. If they would have just run that clip over and over for one and a half hours the movie would have been much better. I just want more summer. Like the bald bad guy says in TMNT when he bumps into the red head kid, "Go (makes walking motion with his fingers) play." Two of the greatest words in the english, and i suppose the japanese language as well. Having chris down for a day and half this weekend rocked my socks off. Playing and screeching rock band for hours on end, it was just like old times, if the old times would have had rock band. Ridiculous amounts of fun it was. Have fun, that's all i want to do. While playing rock band Chris and I had this genius idea to tape the microphone to our tripod (because there were only two members of our band "III" and we wanted to sing and play at the same time.) So we did, and it was fantastic. Especially playing the tamborine with our faces because we had no free hands. So yesterday, I continued to use taped microphone to the tripod guy. I have become pretty good at it. But a man as outrageously handsome as myself should not be given this much talent, it's not fair. So I have decided to relinquish one of my talents, and that is my talent to impress people. I will no longer be doing this. I will now be shooting for mediocrity. I will not go above, and I will not go beyond. I will set the bar low and barely meet expectations. Sometimes people need to be brought down to earth, even if it is by themselves. Why do I need a college degree? The ninja turtles didn't have college degree's, let alone high school degree's and they were four of the greatest turtles this planet has ever seen. Except for that turtle that beat the hare in the race, that was one determined turtle, and that's why he doesn't count. I love BYU football, i have a special connection with ding dongs, and school is not nearly as good as hamburger helper.
(Note: Jesse is amazing at playing the guitar and singing at the same time. It is quite astounding. She is also far too attractive for so much talent. But she is "the one", not Neo, or Luke, or Rambo, so she gets to keep it all.)

Jesse Writes

I just wanted to let everyone know that I did it! I did what I said I was going to do! Today I finished the first draft of my superhero spoof movie screenplay. To all ye doubters, I say ha.

As you can see

As you can see, our Movie Collection Embarkment of 2008 has petered off almost completely, soon to be completely. Sorry if anyone is disappointed but the whole enterprise was boring us and bringing down the spontaneity of the whole blog so...

What does the future hold? Don't worry, you will all still be subjected to rigorous movie reviews from the both of us. We love forcing our opinions down the throats of others. Until then, we are in deep mourning over the short lived "MCEo2008"

Email from Amelia

I just had to post this so everyone could enjoy this email my sister Amelia forwarded to me. So, enjoy.


If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy:

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radiostation 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

"Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.' Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?"

Death to Spoof Movies

So...I finally watched a movie I have been anticipating for quite some time. First off, let me explain my intense love and fascination for everything "superhero". Maybe I'm a geek that way but I love movies about superheros. The X-Men movies and the Batman movies (old and new) are great. Yeah, the Spiderman movies were kind of duds in my opinion but it doesn't deter me from fully anticipating the next big new superhero movie. This included THE "Superhero Movie". Yay, I thought, making fun of superheros! Fun! Funny! Yay!

We didn't see it in the theater... Sad! ...I was eagerly waiting for it's transfer to DVD format when Justin informed me they wouldn't be getting it in at Hollywood Video... Dreams dashed again! And then they were getting it at Hollywood Video! I forgive you for aforementioned dashed dreams!

We rented it. Then we began watching. Suddenly, without warning, we were accosted with gaudy sexual inuendos, atrocious slapstick "humor," and the main focus of the movie: Spiderman. (As I said, Spiderman is the last superhero we need more movies about in this world.) What a disappointment!! I couldn't believe how much my face hurt from NOT LAUGHING. Really.

So, I decided that if someone really funny would go to Hollywood and actually make a funny, witty spoof, they would make so much money and it would be awesome. Every spoof I've ever attempted to watch were the same, no matter the topic: disgusting humor and people getting hurt. You know, running into things and such. It could be so much better. I think it would be kinda easy, too. There's not much competition out there for funny spoof movies. Maybe I'll be the one to do it! That's it, I'll be the pioneer for a new spoof movie! A spoof movie for the intellectual! Until then, death to all spoof movies.


This is the opinion of Jesse Kay Betts and does in no way represent the views or opinions of the World Wide Web, including but not limited to, justinandjesse.blogspot.com and their loyal readers of whom Jesse is not trying to offend by insistently and, with no regard for anyone else, brashly bash spoof movies.

The Movie Collection Embarkment of 2008: The Slums of Beverly Hills

The Slums of Beverly Hills

made in 1998

rated R

Jesse: Hmm...what to say about this movie. It's very funny, but it makes me uncomfortable at the same time. This is a movie that I would be embarassed to watch with anyone but Justin; not knowing how different people would react to said humor. But, the main character, Vivian Abromowitz's, relationship with the drug-dealing Eliot Arenson is hilarious. And it makes me really appreciate that my family doesn't make incredibly inappropriate comments about my breasts. So, lastly, if you love Marisa Tomei like I do, it's a good one to catch. ***

Justin: This is one of those movies that I have a hard time properly conveying my opinion. It is really funny, the writing is good, the acting is good, and it's not slow, so I feel like I should like this movie more than I do. I can't quite put my finger on it....but with all that nothing being said, it is really funny, Marisa Tomei and Alan Arkin are a great comedy team. I do especially love how they tackle taboo issues, especially for a movie set in the '70's. Overall, funny but not a lot of replay value. ***