People are Retarded

I have always known that people are quite retarded, yet they never cease to amaze me. Here is a little story from work today.
So Ryane (yes, HER name is really ryane) and I were just working and these two butch ladies come up to the counter. Ryane goes to help them and the fatter one says, "you guys should really have an adult section." So Ryane just kind of looks at her like she is a perverted lesbian but then the lady clarifies. She says, "because you guys have so many offensive movies in here, I would never let my kid come into this store." Okay, first of all, you're retarded. Secondly, if the lady that is with you hasn't slapped you yet, she is more retarded than you are. So because an 'adult' section means to Ryane and to every other normal human being a 'porn' section. Knowing this Ryane says, "We only have movies that are rated 'R' and under." Then the lady says, "this store is disgusting and you guys have so many offensive movies they really should be taken off the shelves. So just letting you know that we took a lot of offensive movies and moved them and turned them backwards so people can't see the covers, because it's just not appropriate." At this point Ryane just looks at me, she is fuming, but because she is having to deal with them I am kinda laughing at her because these people are RIDICULOUS. Then the lady goes and grabs a movie off the new release wall and brings it up to Ryane. There is a picture of a zombie on the back, she points to said zombie and says, "see this? This would give my kid nightmares. That's why i will never bring him in this store." So then Ryane in complete disbelief says, "why would your kid look at the back of that movie?" I almost died laughing. Then the ladies ask for our corporate number because they are going to call them. But first they say that they are going to go around our store and write down all the covers that offend them. Then they are going to call our corporate office and say that they will not be coming back into our store until they are changed. And they did. They walked around our store for twenty minutes writing down movies. If these two ladies had balls, I would kick them square in them. There are so many things wrong with their logic it's not even funny. Well, it was a little bit, but do they really think that Hollywood video has any say on what goes on the cover of movies. C'mon retards. And secondly, the world doesn't revolve around you and nobody cares about your petty little complaint. Nobody. As they were leaving they said that we should be ashamed for working in such a store that obviously has no morals. Then came one of my favorite lines that I have ever said (even though it's retardedly blasphemous.) Ryane said, "Why do they think they are so superior to everybody else? Do they honestly believe they are perfect?" And I responded, "Don't worry about it, they're just drunk on Jesus."

K-C-C-Karma

I don't know if everyone's heard. Probably, I've told almost everyone I can think of because I think it's so funny. But, anyway, when Justin, Keshia, and I (jesse) were leaving to head up to Idaho to visit my parents, Justin backed into my dad's truck that Keshia had just parked in our driveway. Once over the shock of it, Keshia and I couldn't stop laughing. Justin wasn't amused. It did a little bit of damage here and there but nothing too major. We got the truck fixed up nice and pretty, and now we just need a tail light cover for our car.

Now, I need to explain a little back story. My sister Keshia was going to Idaho a few weeks prior to this incident, when she had a bit of car trouble with her little red car. If you want to read her explanation for it, click here. And, before that, when driving up to Cedar City, she went off the road when a semi changed lanes at her. So, after Justin backed into the truck that fateful day, we were joking around about Keshia's Crappy Car Karma. Everytime she goes anywhere, something bad happens.

So, why would Justin and I agree to go to St. George with her on Wednesday? I'm not sure. But we did. And, about a mile from the Toquerville exit, K-C-C-Karma struck again. It was quite windy, so when she swerved a little, I thought it was that. But then the car was feeling really weird and she was like, "something's wrong, something's wrong...should I pull over?" We pulled over to find the back left tire completely shredded. I'm talking SHREDDED. So, we're trying to find the jack, which we can't, so we're waiting for someone to please please pull over and help us, which someone eventually did. Two nice men who showed us how to use the strange looking jack that we did, in fact, have the whole time. We got back on the road, made it to St. George and back again without further incident, but Justin and I promptly told Keshia we would never go anywhere with her ever again. To which she replied that she might not go anywhere ever again anyway. :) It's okay, it's always an adventure. :)

Flight of the freaking Conchords

This clip is from one of my most favoritest shows of all time "Flight of the Conchords." It's freaking hilarious and everybody should watch it. It's about two New Zealanders who come to the U.S. to try and make it big as musicians. They are a bass and guitar duo, and have an awesomely bad manager named murray. He is also a new zealander. Seriously, just watch the show. It's the funniest thing ever! Oh yeah their names are Brett and Jermaine. Those are their real names because the show is based on them for real. But because they are kiwi's they pronounce them Britt and Jumaine, and it's funny. So every episode they have a couple of songs relating to what's happening in the episode. These are their real songs and you can buy their cd. They are hilarious. In this episode, Brett is having a problem with his self-esteem so Jermaine writes him a song to make him feel better. Now watch it be funny.

Video kick

So obviously we have been on a kick with posting these music videos lately....and it shall continue. Once again it's going to be a Beatles video. This song is called "Get Back" and is totally awesome. It's not in my top 25 favorite Beatles songs though, I am posting it because the video is awesome. It's from the last concert they ever played, and it's on the rooftops in England. It's fantastic. The video is cool because it's raw and real. Like at the beginning the guitars aren't working properly, and the cops want to shut them down, and the improv by Paul McCartney on the mic makes me laugh. By the way, when they show the fifth beatle (The black guy) keep your eye on Paul and watch him rock the crap out of that bass. Seriously, the man is extremely talented, it's completely mind blowing. But don't worry mr. Lennon, you are still my favorite Beatle, but i do love paul as well. On a side note, and probably deserving of a blog of it's own, I just want to say that I absolutely love every member of my family and would do anything under the sun for any of them. I don't know what I would do without any of them. My family is amazing, and i pity everybody that never has a chance to spend some time with any of them. On that note enjoy this video and feel free to rock out.

-Justined again!

Ben Folds

I just posted my "Captain" post and I started feeling guilty. I can't do this without posting a Ben Folds song immediately. He is a BRILLIANT musician. He has been my favorite forever. Not only is he an amazing lyricist, but he is an incredible pianist. One of the best I've ever seen. The song I chose is called "Fred Jones, Pt. 2" This video is Ben Folds at his best. He sounds so amazing live, it's almost unbelieveable. I don't know if anyone knows his history, but he was with the band "Ben Folds Five" for awhile. After they broke up, he did the album "Rockin the Suburbs" completely solo. Some of his greatest songs come from that album, including "Fred Jones, Pt. 2" Now he is still technically a solo artist, although he has a pretty permanent band touring with him. I will probably be posting a lot of Ben Folds songs because I think he's a genius. I forgot to say on my last post, the songs I'm sharing are ones that seriously speak to me. Anyone who is an avid music lover knows what I mean by that. Please please enjoy "Fred Jones, Pt. 2"

Jesse's Favorite Songs

I would like to share some of my very very favorite songs, because they must be heard. I would love to hear honest opinions about them, too. My first one is by my favorite band, Guster. (Although I feel like I have to mention that my favorite solo artist is still, and always will be, Ben Folds.) The song is called "Captain." I love it because it's groovy and powerful. This video is a live performance but they sound almost exactly like the track on the CD. This song also reminds me of a poem by Walt Whitman called "O Captain! My Captain!" that I've always loved. I'll include it as well. My only complaint of "Captain" by Guster is that I wish it had one more verse. It's just too good to be so short. Enjoy!





O Captain! My Captain!
Walt Whitman

1.
O Captain! my captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring,
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

2.
O Captain! my captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up--for you the flag is flung--for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths--for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.

3.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

Serenity

Okay, so I just watched "Serenity!" Jeez...it was good. And also sad. But, Kelsey, you were right. They didn't tie things up as tightly as I would have liked (a.k.a. Mal and Inara) but overall, it's awesome. I love it so much and I must own it. yay for Joss Whedon. He is the MAN.

One of my itunes videos

I enjoy this video so much that I had to share it with everybody that doesn't care. This song is called "Let it Be" by The Beatles. I am sure everybody has heard this song but it is just fantastic to watch a video of it. I watch our beatles videos on my itunes every now and again and this one always takes my breath away. This song touches my heart more deeply than almost any other song ever has. This song is certainly one of the most beautiful songs ever written and really puts on display the talent of Paul McCartney. It astounds me how amazing of a bass player, guitar player, and piano player he is. And how awesome does he look with that hair and that beard? I mean c'mon! I love their music. There was nothing like it back then, and after all of the evolution of music, there is still nothing like their music. They rock my socks off everyday. I get the chills everytime I hear him hit that high note. Watch the video, you'll see.

-Justin yo

B-Y-Poo

I am so freaking sick and tired of BYU and there inability to show up in big games. There is a reason you people haven't won a game in the ncaa tournament in sixteen freaking years. Good thing i stopped believing in the BYU basketball team when the Reid's still played there, which was more than ten years ago, or else this would be a lot more upsetting. Apparently they didn't learn anything from their game last year. Hey guys, let's not play defense, I bet we can still win. Yes, I realize when a team starts 10-10 from the floor there is nothing you can do about that, especially when some of them were ridiculously impossible shots, but one thing you can do is make some of your shots. That might help. BYU NEVER shows up to play when it counts and I am tired of their incredible failures. Not only are they the greatest choke artists in the country, in every sport, they are the greatest con artists in the country. Somehow they have conned all of their fans into believing that they are going to win this time around. And this time around is every time they are in a big game. They continue to lose all the games that matter and yet their poor sucker fans, including myself, continue to believe that they can win. Well no longer. I will never again believe that they are going to win a game that matters. Oh wow you can beat wyoming at home in December. So freaking what. Maybe this attitude makes me a poor fan or a pessimistic fan, I believe it makes me a realist fan. Go home. There aren't words for how much hatred I feel towards your athletics.

Dang Church Functions

We went to this church St. Patricks Day dinner thingy for our ward tonight because we wanted a free dinner and because the bishop tracked us both down individually and invited us. So we went to get our free dinner and it turns out that were serving sandwiches, which was great for me. We get up there and ALL the sandwiches have sauerkraut on them!!!!! Who the heck puts sauerkraut on everybody's sandwich!??! Aren't they aware that everybody hates this crap?!? And it was stuck to the melted cheese so you couldn't even scrape it all off. I was so annoyed. Still am. Why would anybody ruin a perfectly good sandwich with that poo tasting cabbage?

My Doctor the Molestor

Ok, so I have debated writing this blog since October but have never published it because it is offensive, tasteless, and immature. I have now decided to post it because I found a rough draft of it written in my notebook while I was not paying attention in class today. I thought it was absolutely hilarious, but then again I am 12. Anyway, who wants to learn about Taoism when they can read about my doctor visit. Really do not read this post if you don't want to be offended. It contains VERY strong sexual content and is represented in a very immature way. If you don't want to read about my nether region and the disturbing things that my brain processes then this is not for you. Really. This is bad. Consider yourself warned. Now you can't lower your opinion of me or be offended. It's your fault you read this.

The following is a blog about my privates.

All the way back in October Jesse and I were watching tv when I noticed that my manhood (more specifically, my little men...hood) was hurting. It was very sudden and very painful. It hurt to sit down, stand up, or walk around. Since they were talking about testicular cancer on tv I thought maybe I was having paranoid pains. So I let it slide for a few days. It continued to hurt quite badly so I called my folks. They told me to go see the doctor. So I did.
The first lady (not The first lady, but the first nurse lady) came in and asked me the stupid questions and took my blood pressure and all that jazz. Then she left and I sat there forever waiting for the doctor to come in. He finally arrives and asks me the same exact questions that the other lady just asked me and then he asks me to "drop my shorts." His words, not mine. Then he sits on his little stool, eye level with my junk. Why must they sit eye level. I would much rather they stand up. Seriously, I could feel him breathing on it. It was very uncomfortable. So he sits there and stares at it for what feels like an eternity. I had this thought of smacking him between the eyes with it. Decided this was a bad idea, and continued to stand there awkwardly. Then all of a sudden, completely out of nowhere, he just back hands it right out of the way, like he was playing teather ball or something. And it hurt. I went there because I already had a pain in my wiener not because I wanted to have pain in it. I could get that at any playground for free. Then, naturally, it falls back to where it started. He grabbed it, quite fiercely I might add, and pins it against my right leg. Then he has to check the other side so he pins against the other leg. Then I am pretty sure that he started slapping my stomach with it. Seriously, the dude was just flipping it around like taffy. Then after he is done playing around he told me that I had epiditimits which is pretty much nothing. It's an inflammation of something inside of my supporting cast. Then he charged me 80 bucks. 80 bucks to feel me up. I also could have got that at the park for free. He then told me that I couldn't get a vasectomy in the future either. Darn, I was really looking forward to that part of my life. I felt violated. Still kinda do.

Thank you Kurt

I would like to thank Kurt for a fantastic show suggestion. I just finished watched a TV show called "Firefly" and I loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, they only made 14 episodes before it was cancelled. That makes me very sad. It is witty, funny, and nearly all the characters are entertaining in some way, if not likable. I can't wait to watch the movie "Serenity" which, as far as I know, is a continuation of this TV series. I would recommend this show to everyone, even though there isn't any real resolution yet. (Although I should point out that there isn't really a need for a finality in this show. I don't feel left hanging at all. You just kinda get the feeling that the characters will keep flying on, keep on doing what they're doin long after you stop watching.) I'll have to see how I feel after I see "Serenity." The creator of "Firefly" is Joss Whedon, who is also the creator of another show I love, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Go Joss! And, again, thank you Kurt for suggesting it. (Uh, Kels, will you tell him if he doesn't read this himself? Thanks.) This is Jesse writing this titillating post, by the way.

Ways to be Cool

Jesse's Seinfeldisms

The Lingerer: Someone who lingers long after a conversation has ended, sometimes to the point where you have to walk away first.

The Soft-handshaker: Someone who doesn't stiffen their hand when giving a handshake. Their hand feels soft and limp, feels like shaking dead meat.

...most likely, there will be more to come in the future... In the meantime, everyone should share their own "Seinfeldisms"

Me or Obama?

Today in my communications class i had to give my informative speech. It's only five minute speeches so it really isn't that bad, plus i don't mind public speaking all that much. Anyway, i did my speech on film editing. I was a little worried because i had all these thoughts in my head but i couldn't organize them. To make a long blog short, i rocked and or rolled that speech. Honest to blog. Obama has nothing on me. I am a really good orator. When i talk people listen. On my last speech my teacher said i was great and that i command attention when i speak. I don't think i do that much stuff really well so i am going to boast about this. I am allowed. I am a good speaker, but i am not a good speech writer. But i make up for that with my charming personality and charisma. I'm am awesome. Yes, i know how i wrote that. Go me!

So...

So, I just wanted to mention that Nic's gravatar is really Brendan Frasier.

Same guy. Exact same everything.

Do You Know What I Love? Butt cracks.

Is it just me, or is everybody else getting tired of seeing everybody's butt cracks all the time? Maybe i am overly exposed to them because i am on a college campus a lot. This is not just a problem for boys anymore either, i see more girls butt cracks in one day on campus then i had in my first twenty years of life. I saw four today in my diversity class alone. Plus one middle aged dude's butt crack. I am not sure which is worse. But seriously people, pull up your pants or where longer shirts. I don't care which. We have been exposed to chest crack for so long I guess people now think butt crack is ok too. It's not. It's really really not.

Braun Books

Well, I didn't think it was possible. But, it's happened! Justin and I found a decent book store right in Cedar City. We have been complaining about the lack of one for about a year, and there it was all the time, right on Main Street. Unbelievable. It is a used/new bookstore. They have a great selection, their prices are decent, and they can order in what they don't have. Any avid reader's dream come true! Definately mine. I just wanted to share my excitement with all of you.

I'm Excited For You Nic

Like always, today when i went to the store i didn't have my phone on me. When i got home i checked it and i had a missed call. I didn't know who the number belonged to but i did recognize it because it called me about a week ago three times in one day. Obnoxious. As customary, i didn't call the number back or check the voicemail they left me. But something was in the air today and i checked my voicemail. Turns out it was some real estate lady and it sounds like Nic and Amy are finally going to sell their house. I can't imagine how great that must feel for Nic. Living apart from your family for a year and a half sounds like hell to me. I don't know how you survived it, undoubtedly with a little bit of whitesnake though.....that sounded wrong but i hope you know what i meant. Barring in stupid financing problems, Nic is going to live with his family again, and that makes me really excited.

Top 5 Celebrities Jesse would...y'know

Y'know, right? This is in response to Justin's list on his site justinatthemovies.ibetts.net. Now, I didn't give this a lot of thought so it is definately subject to change.

#5

Michael Rosenbaum

#4

Jim Sturgess

#3

John Cusack

#2

John Malkovich

#1

Viggo Mortensen