Nostra-dumb-ass

All those doom and gloom people are always talking about Nostradamus and how smart he is and how all of his predictions come true. I decided to play on the internet and find these so-called predictions, to see exactly what they say. And now that I have read them may I say out loud, what a bunch of garbage! These "predictions" mean nothing. They aren't even predictions, they are nonsense. I decided maybe I should write a bunch of vague garbage down in a notebook and leave it for future generations to find and read, then they will call me an ancient prophet. Apparently this is all it takes. For proof, here is a prediction from the almighty Nostradamus:

Mabus then will soon die, there will come
Of people and beasts a horrible rout;
Then suddenly one will see vengeance
Hundred, hand, thirst, hunger
When the comet will run.

What the hell is that?! So do you know what this is a prediction of? I mean it's pretty obvious so I am sure that you guessed already, but if you haven't this is the prediction of the assassination of President Bush. Yep. Mabus is Bush....how do you figure? What the random words on a page?! How does Mabus equal Bush? And how do you get an assassination of a president out of that? What a bunch of hippo poo. To me it sounds like some dude named Mabus (not Bush, because his name is Mabus) will die, and then there will be terrible beasts like wolves that will be tired and hungry. And then a comet will go by in the sky. That's what it sounds like to me. Just sayin. What a retarded thing. I hate Nostradamus and the people that just make stuff up.

Cotton head layers, the ravaging discs
The heavens light of cores
Wires, tapestries asunder
Pins and needles of the walk
Will sound on the last thunder

That is a prediction that I just made. It means that I am going to have a cheese sandwich now.